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Jealousy is a feeling most of us are familiar with. Some have felt its sting only a few times in their lives; others are jealous almost constantly. But the effect of jealousy as a relationship-destroying feeling is a fact proven by numerous experiences and time. We tell you about whether you should be jealous and control the guy, why women get jealous and how to overcome jealousy of the guy and not to wind yourself up in a relationship.
How to cope with feelings of jealousy and begin to trust a man
To overcome jealousy, you must first recognize it. Do you admit that you are jealous? Often the first problem with jealousy is that the person experiencing it doesn’t fully recognize his feelings. “He’s a bastard and looks at others more than he looks at me” and “I don’t like that I don’t get more attention than everyone else” are two very different formulations. If you’re closer to the first one so far, then it’s time to start getting closer to the second one.
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To do this, you need to recognize that your feelings are your responsibility. The other person can provoke them, but he can’t control them. Jealousy is your feeling. And to deal with it – your task. It is not necessary to change your relationship with your partner.
Then it is worth to understand what your jealousy. This feeling can be very different, and first figure out how objective it is.
Is the young man doing something that makes you doubt his fidelity?
Is it outright infidelity or something you think might lead to it?
Jealousy may well exist only in the mind – that is, the partner does not give a single reason, but you are still jealous. Do not be afraid of this turn of events, this too can be worked with. At the very least you can for your confidence win him over again or conquer your feelings with trust.
The first step in replacing jealousy with trust is to examine yourself and your feelings. It’s scary, and it will entail realizations you may not like. It will also involve conclusions and actions that you may not have originally wanted. You may need to talk to your partner.
You may find that you don’t know how to trust people.
Perhaps, figuring out the nature of your jealousy and its causes, you come to the conclusion that you have to break up with a man, despite all his awesomeness. Then feel free to register on the dating site JuliaDates and start looking for a partner of your choice.
Beginning to trust a man whose loyalty we doubted in one way or another – not an easy process. The main thing to be prepared for is that you will never have enough solid ground under your feet. There will never be a hundred percent guarantee that a man is not cheating and will not do so in the future. There will never be a way to make yourself not be jealous of the man you love. Because jealousy is your feeling, your inner process, and controlling it is your job. You will either choose to believe or not. Your faith and your choice is the only support available.
What is jealousy and why does it arise
Jealousy is a slightly modified jealousy based on your own insecurities. It is the feeling that you are not good enough, from which the constant suspicions are born: after all, your partner will surely choose someone better. Why would he want such an unattractive you when there are so many beautiful girls around. In English there is only one word for jealousy and envy: jealousy. And just their language with this fact perfectly emphasizes the true state of affairs.
When a person is jealous, he does not recognize his own merits, his own value. He cannot fully realize that he has been chosen by his partner out of all the others, for his merits, for his characteristics, regardless of his defects. He has chosen him exactly as this person is. Agreed with it.
A jealous person always doubts the choice of his partner, because he cannot accept the fact that he is good enough, does not believe in it. Because of this, by the way, jealous people often cheat themselves – they are not sure of themselves, and in order to increase their confidence or out of constant fear of losing a relationship they have, they go on to cheat.
Insecurity causes subjective jealousy – these are cases where you do not understand how to stop being jealous of the guy to all the girls. But there are also objective reasons that a person provokes with his behavior. If you are not a person prone to jealousy, this can be quickly dealt with, but not the fact that this point is smooth.
Meet the five horsemen of the apocalypse-the most common causes of jealousy:
Lack of self-confidence. Something that has been said a lot before this line. An inability to accept oneself as a healthy person and disbelief in one’s choice of partner.
Lack of information. We begin to suspect something when we see that we are not being told everything. The more fog a young man puts on, the more doubts a girl will have about his fidelity – after all, if he’s not doing anything taboo, why hide anything? Just ask him the right questions and find out everything at once.
Information background in the relationship. If a guy is constantly talking about other girls around him, paying attention to them in the street (both his own and yours), remembering exes – it’s a sin not to suspect that other women occupy too much space in his life.
Having a girlfriend-friend. She was before you, he’s been friends with her during other relationships and treats her like a friend or like a little sister. They both emphasize that their companionship carries no threat to the relationship, but girls in this situation often have anxiety and a sore feeling that he could leave you at any moment and move her from the rank of girlfriend to the rank of friend.
Straightforward evidence. You see him flirting with other girls. You know he is prone to cheating. You have already experienced at least one. This point is relevant when you really have reason to suspect him of infidelity – already held or potential.
What Jealousy Causes and Why Get rid of it
A jealous girl is a terrible and powerful creature. Most likely, the first thing she thinks about is not how to solve the problem of jealousy, but how to prevent cheating.
She would move mountains to watch the guy’s every move. She will know more about him than he knows himself. She’ll be ugly ways to eliminate threats, scandalize, get nervous, be suspicious all the time, and look for proof of her suspicions. She will look like a bitch. But often this will come from a search for safety-she can’t handle her jealousy, doesn’t know how to overcome her sense of ownership and how to overcome her jealousy and distrust of her man, so she tries any way she can to prevent him from making a mistake.
Now imagine what such a relationship looks like: the guy can’t even sneeze without her knowledge. She meddles in all his affairs, demands reports on everything, carefully monitors his surroundings and tries to influence him. In fact, she just suffocates him, gradually cutting him off from things and people important to him in the name of her own sense of security. Most likely, he will not want to bend to this. All attempts to stop this process will lead to her tears and scandals and will have no result except to increase her suspicions – he doesn’t want to give up his life, so there is obviously something or someone better than her there. Obviously, this relationship will not last long and will bring a lot of misery and a minimum of pleasure.
You need to get rid of jealousy in the name of your own comfort. In the name of the very possibility of a healthy relationship, because if there is a lack of trust between the partners, you can’t have one. If your jealousy stems from an internal feeling of inferiority, then getting rid of it will lead to gaining self-confidence. And this will be a big plus not only for the relationship, but also for the other spheres of life.
A jealous girl spends a lot of energy. She has to simultaneously strangle her partner, live in terrible stress and perpetual suspicion, engage in incessant spying, waste energy on scandals and attempts to solve problems through external means rather than through working on herself. Just imagine how much can be accomplished if you put all that resource to good use. You might be interested in saving your energy for such destructive activities. Learn how to get rid of suspicions and not to be jealous. Spend so much energy on healthy relationships, careers, hobbies, studies – anything that brings more pleasure and benefit.
How to extinguish jealousy and doubts about the guy you love: tips from psychologists
Psychologists have long given advice on how to learn not to be jealous of your man. And answered the question of whether it is possible to get rid of distrust of a guy. Clients who come with the question “What to do if I’m jealous of a guy to everyone?” are quite a lot. Of course, it is better to go to a specialist on your own to solve the problem, taking into account your peculiarities and the subtleties of your case.
But we’ll share five recommendations that will help you start to put your head and relationships in order and give you a clearer view of the problem and the situation.
Find the roots of your jealousy. See if the man is doing something that makes you suspicious and jealous, or if your jealousy exists somewhat separate from reality and is not based on facts.
Admit to yourself that you are afraid of losing your partner. Get used to this fear, acknowledge it. Don’t try to convince yourself otherwise. People really are capable of deception, and it can happen at any time, even if you do not expect it and the young person is really in love and prone to fidelity. To calm the fear, you must first accept it. The situation really is, and there is no way to reassure yourself. Nevertheless, you have chosen this man. He also chose you. Yes, that can change, but until it does, it is pointless to fear such a turnaround. When the fear is accepted, make sure that right now you have no reason for it. If so, you won’t end up crushing your own feelings (which never leads to anything good), but you’ll also stop focusing on the irrelevant ones.
If jealousy has a reason in reality, talk to your partner about it. Explain that you are worried because he is flirting with other girls or because he spends too little time with you, in your opinion. And if he offers to break up, forget it and let it go.
Use “me-messages” so that responsibility is shared correctly. Not “you ignore me because of friends and work”, not “you make me nervous when you flirt with others”, but “I worry because you give me less time than I would like”, “I worry when you show such attention to other girls”. That way the responsibility is shared correctly, the person is not offended, and you communicate your own feelings and reactions instead of blaming them.
Try to reinforce your fear. You can do this through the body, concentrating on it, and taking a position that will ask for it. Reinforce this position: if you are frozen, tense your muscles. If your shoulders and arms droop, lower them as hard as you can. If you feel like shrinking into a lump, let it be as tight as possible. By intensifying the bodily sensations, you will help your feelings to the maximum, and you will be able to live them out. Think about where your fear or jealousy is going. Let’s say you’re afraid he’s spending a lot of time with another girl. What then? Over time, communicating with her will become more important than communicating with you. And then what? Continue the chain until you get to the root of it-the same big fear that created jealousy. That way you’ll know more about her and yourself, and it’ll be easier to work with her from there.
Ask your partner for support. If you just feel that he does not pay enough attention to you – ask for it. He will give it to you if he really appreciates and loves you. To begin with, you can not talk about incipient jealousy, just ask him to be with you longer, arrange something together, ask him to tell you how he feels or do something nice. The partner may not realize that you are missing something. The relationship will not break down if you ask for more attention or even describe approximately how much you need it in principle. On the contrary, you may not need to return to this topic, and he will know how to treat you properly.