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304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
It often feels like the whole world is falling apart along with the relationship. Usually this is not the case, but it is almost impossible to believe this when you have just broken up. Breakup is a terrible stressor, and you need to know how to get through it. The main task during this time is to take care of yourself, relieve the heartache, and get back to normal. You probably have no idea now how to go on living if a man has left you. But I will tell you how people most often go through a breakup with a loved one, how to step back, distract yourself, recover, and finally start living again.
How to get over a breakup with the man you love
Different girls come to their senses after a relationship breakup in different ways – mostly because they handle their pain and sadness differently. Someone cries on her best friend’s shoulder for a long time, someone does not leave the house and does not want to see anyone, someone breaks away and lights up so that there is no time and energy left for melancholy (or for the same purpose plunges into work or studies), and someone immediately gets into a new relationship.
None of these ways can be condemned, because the man is acting to the best of his ability at this time. But it’s best to let yourself grieve, mourn the loss of the relationship, draw conclusions and slowly get back to life. It’s painful and unpleasant, but it’s the only way to escape the dance on a rake called “confusion in the relationship with your ex,” which risks starting at any time and drag on the head. If you are all back, then read the article how to make a man fall in love, and if you have definitely decided to forget everything, then read on.
Coping if you have broken up recently is very difficult. But you need to take care of yourself and stick to your chosen strategy to survive the separation and not break down. Here are a few ways:
Let yourself grieve. For as long as it takes, but at least a few days. Sad music, tears, tons of paper handkerchiefs, and absolutely no constructive thoughts – allow yourself all that. You need to cry to let your emotions out. Don’t go overboard with mourning: you’re unlikely to need more than a few days for the active phase. Then gradually return to your normal routine. Thoughts of your ex and sadness won’t go anywhere just yet, but you’ll start doing something else.
You can work, study, succeed, have fun at parties, enjoy life, and even get into other relationships. This is what grieving is all about. Don’t be afraid or avoid it – it’s the only way to fully experience the departure of a boyfriend and come out of the breakup a healthy person.
Feel the state of being “at the bottom.” At some point, sobbing in the bathroom or staring meaninglessly out the window, you will realize that things can’t get any worse, that this is the point of no return. It’s a scary moment, but it’s the one after which you can begin to move upward. Focus on this moment, go through it consciously. Understand that this position is not eternal, and therefore it is time to rise from the bottom.
Find support in yourself. Breaking up is a great experience to make sure that you are the only one you truly have. Everything else can disappear at any moment, no matter how disturbing and sad it sounds. You need to feel like you are your own best friend, your own mother, and your own best comforter.
It is necessary to find in yourself the strength to survive a difficult phase. And for this you need to take care of yourself, love and spoil a little. Think of yourself as a child and think about what someone close to you would do if they saw you in such a state. Would they put you on their lap, comfort you, give you something yummy, tell you something good, cheer you up? Feel the warmth of the kind of care you can receive. And that you can give yourself. Only by taking care of yourself will you find the strength to cope.
Don’t blame. If the initiator of the breakup was a guy, you will probably start to think that you are not good enough. And if you decide to break up – to suffer guilt. Try to avoid both. Do not blame yourself for what you did or did not do. Do not blame your partner. You’re in a situation where you realize you can’t be together for some important reason – and that’s good news, even if it’s sad.
It’s better to part ways with unsuitable people. Be mad at yourself or the guy if you feel like it, but don’t let the anger turn to guilt and make you responsible for the breakup. It’s not your fault. And this breakup doesn’t make you the worst person or the one who failed. Remember that, don’t deny your worth.
Find another love. This is not a call to enter into a new relationship, it is advice to remember the other people you love and appreciate. Psychophysiology professor Barbara Fredrickson called love “micro-moments of positive response”-those moments when we feel a heart connection and warmth toward other people. You need support. And hugging another loved one, hearing something nice from them or just words of comfort is invaluable support in a breakup.
Do something for yourself. Life often changes after a breakup – and it’s worth taking advantage of that. Listen to yourself: you may have new interests. Or find the time and opportunity to do things that relationships can not do. Take up a new hobby, take up self-education – it will help distract you. Find a interest group – social interaction will be therapeutic for you. A new hobby should bring joy and positive emotions.
You can set yourself a quest to try every “napoleon” in town, or take up another non-serious activity that brings you pleasure. As you have a new experience, you’ll notice that you feel not only a loss, but also a freedom.
Rearrange your plans. When you feel better and a couple of weeks of acute pain are behind you, it’s time to readjust your life to fit you. You’ve probably planned something with your partner that doesn’t seem relevant now. Think about what you would like to accomplish from the point you are in now. Dream about it. Set goals and figure out how to achieve them.
Face reality. You’ll probably want to get in touch with your lost love, try to get it all back, see that he too is suffering and wants you back. Meet with him or talk to him on the phone. Make sure that it is impossible to restore the relationship – neither of you have changed for this and are not going to change. These kinds of confrontations are necessary to let the person go faster. They are painful, but they are important for letting go of your own hopes.
Psychologist tips for girls
A lot about how to be after a breakup, according to psychologists, said in the previous paragraph – these are valid ways to get through a difficult period and come out of it a healthy, whole person, ready to continue living. But there are also a few more tips on how to stop suffering if a boyfriend has fallen out of love.
Get rid of reminders of the past. Throw away or put away things that remind you of the guy. If he left any of his things – get rid of them first.
If you are angry – print and burn photos of us together. Do something demonstrative that will help you believe yourself in the breakup. If the burning photos want to cry – do not hold back. It will work even better that way.
Do, eat, wear things that annoyed your partner and liked you. Give yourself a triumph of freedom.
Update something. Your haircut, your closet, your bedding, or even where you live. Help yourself experience the “before” and “after” milestones.
Take care of your appearance. Do it with gusto – enjoy a nice manicure, spa, spectacular outfits and flashy makeup. Just because you don’t have to do it for someone, you and your pleasure are reason enough. Don’t let yourself go after a breakup.
Socialize. With friends, online, on forums, in interest groups, or even in therapy groups. You don’t have to suffer proudly alone – with community and support, things will go easier.
Burn bridges. Not only get rid of common belongings, but also delete his phone number and don’t go on his social media profile. Leave the past in the past and feel it out.
Get over it. Even if you think you broke up by mistake, that the reason isn’t that serious – accept the person’s decision, respect him. Firmly accepting his position will help you hold on if the ex decides to come back and try to drag you into the vortex of the same relationship with the same problems.
Rebirth. Feel sorry for yourself at first when you need care. But don’t forget that you were not born to be miserable. Stay away from the position of victim, believe in your own strength and allow yourself to act in your own best interest.
Do good deeds. Help your friends and parents, do something nice for passersby on the street. Volunteer for an event, help at an animal shelter, or do something for a rights cause. When we do good, we experience joy.
Exercise. After a breakup, our brain produces a lot of cortisol, a stress hormone that makes us feel tired and sluggish. Exercise will help lower cortisol levels and pump adrenaline and endorphin into the bloodstream. They are the ones responsible for energy and good mood.
What Mistakes You Can’t Make
On the trail of post-breakup survival, it’s easy to take a wrong turn and waste time and energy on something that in the end will not help in any way, if not make it worse.
To get through the breakup in a healthy way, learn what not to do:
Don’t chase away thoughts. Think whatever you want, let everything that comes into your head exist. Sooner or later you’ll break up with those thoughts when you realize they have no place in reality. Thinking is not harmful. It is harmful to realize what you are thinking at such moments.
Don’t get into another relationship. You are in an imbalance and need attention, warmth and affection, but because of emotional confusion, you don’t look like the real you. New love looks like a great opportunity to forget, but in all likelihood it will end in more misery.
Don’t push your feelings and don’t berate yourself for them. Don’t think you’re a sentimental fool, don’t forbid yourself to feel what’s happening to you, don’t run from it.
Don’t hang out on your ex’s profile for hours, looking at his photos and notes.
Do not play Mrs. Marple and do not look for reasons to break up. Don’t set up a stakeout that will help you determine whether he’s pining and agonizing or partying it up.
Don’t strive to dramatically demonstrate on social media how you’re doing great. This is a cheap trick that no one buys into anymore.
Don’t write huge letters in your or his profile about everything you think about him and your relationship. Writing such letters is helpful, but it’s better to either keep them to yourself or burn them.
Don’t throw mud at him. You were together, you chose him. So by insulting him, you’re insulting your choice and yourself.
Don’t start partisan wars. Do not divide your mutual friends into his and yours, do not try to turn them against him.
Now you are fully armed and know what mistakes should not be made. To finally get over your abuser, check out the best dating sites rankings, look for a new guy, and never remember your ex.
Tell us in the comments:
What do you usually do to make yourself happy after a breakup?
How long have you been sad?
What thoughts help you come to your senses?