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When a relationship collapses, there is no desire to savor it, no pleasant nostalgic yearning for what is now in the past. You want to live a new life as soon as possible. To distance yourself from the pain you have to live with, to forget them with all their mistakes and pleasant moments. Scientists have not yet invented a pill to selectively remove memories. But psychologists already know how to forget someone whom you strongly love, how long it takes to begin to forget a man who left, and what to do if you can’t forget a guy you broke up with. We share this information with you.
Tips for girls: How to forget a loved one man
After a breakup you want to take away the pain in any way, quickly forget your loved one and stop thinking about him. And better – as soon as possible to get rid of all feelings for the departed person, once and for all, to get out of the situation in which you find yourself with less losses. Unfortunately or fortunately, it is impossible to easily forget your ex and start a new life. And the best healer for a broken heart is still time.
At times like this, you are not the mistress of your brain. Despite the passionate desire not to think about the man at all, events have worked out so that he is the only one you will mostly think about. It is unpleasant and painful, but you will have to put up with it, if your main goal is to cross out of your life a man who does not love you. There are still ways to make a man fall in love, but they are not easy at all.
Time, patience and gentleness to yourself are the three main tools you will need during this period. You will have to allow and forgive yourself in advance and a bad mood, and breakdowns, and sobs, and pounds of ice cream – everything that your body decides to do during the stress. Believe me, it’s cheaper to let it all in the long run than it is to not let it.
The first thing you need to do is prepare yourself for what is going to be hard, and decide not to berate yourself for anything that happens until the “hard” is over. So if you want to walk away from the relationship so that this person can never step on a sore spot, hurt or cause a storm of anxiety again – stock up on patience, to yourself and read on.
Is it possible to forget an ex
Will the person and everything associated with him ever disappear from your memory? Not completely, of course not. Memories will fade and thin over time, but the fact of the relationship with the person and the main impression from them will definitely stay with you. With them, there will be a certain set of memories and emotions devoted to that period in life, and perhaps some kind of attitude to it all, still alive.
This is what it will look like a few years later if you get through the breakup right. If not, the memories of the person and what was between you will hurt you for long, long years. There will be unlived emotions left behind: when you come into contact with your ex, you won’t care. It won’t be easy for you to remember that you were once together and then split up. You may become angry, frightened, want revenge, want to show superiority – all of which will indicate that you did not live the breakup fully. No matter how much time has passed since then.
You are unlikely to ever thoroughly forget that relationship, if it was important to you, if you were in love. But you have the power to make the memories of them in any way touch you, or even cause that very pleasant nostalgia for the old days. This nostalgia will not necessarily be addressed to your partner: it can be about how you yourself felt in that relationship. Maybe it was easy for you, or you didn’t love anyone else as much, or maybe you found exactly what you desperately needed in that relationship at the time. Then you feel nostalgic, but you don’t miss your partner. And that’s perfectly normal.
The facts will forever or almost forever remain in your memory. You won’t get to the point where you see the person on the street and you don’t recognize them, you won’t remember them. You won’t forget the relationship itself. It’s just that the memory of it will become dimmer and stop hurting you – and that’s a great result.
Methods to help you get over him
So, you broke up, but you are not ready to plunge headlong into grief. Try to ward it off is normal, and do not prohibit yourself a breath of fresh air – you have enough melancholy as it is. Try to find a point of balance: do not forget about your pain, give it space, but also take your mind off it from time to time.
Let’s talk in detail about the top eight ways to distract yourself and get the guy you love out of your head:
A new hobby. Do something you’ve been meaning to try for a long time. The more hours a week you can give to it, the more exciting it will be in the process, the better. Sports are ideal: the body will benefit from the hormones that are produced during physical activity, and the concentration on the body and the precise execution of the movements perfectly helps to distract from sad thoughts. In addition, after the workout you will have a little less desire to kill it. Because of hormones and fatigue.
Write letters. You can’t take your mind off the person – write everything that you think about him. It is important to do it by hand and on paper. The fate of the letter is not so important: you can keep it, you can burn it, you can tear it up. The important thing is to keep it out of your ex’s hands. You are writing not for him but for yourself, remember that from the very beginning. Writing about the pain in the letter, you will feel that it bothers you less.
Ask your friends for support. They will understand and are sure to take care of you. Get out to meetings and hang out, do something together. Stay in company: The dynamics of company can be a great distraction from everything else.
Make plans for the days you’ve traditionally spent together. Fill them with something pleasant, but different from the relationship and associations with them. Desires that you’ve wanted to do for a long time and things that have gotten in the way of your relationship are great. Get a break and enjoy the fact that you can get back to them.
See a therapist. You may only need a few appointments, but the specialist will help you not get lost in negative experiences, get through them as fully as possible, and come out a healthy, whole person. A therapist will accept everything that happens to you, unlike most friends. And will help you find a way to deal with your experiences in a way that doesn’t crush them and still survive. He is trained in these things and knows more about them, and that makes him and that kind of help especially valuable.
Be more patient and loyal to yourself. Cry if you feel like it. Eat lots of sweets if you feel like it. Do not deny anything that is happening to you. Try to listen to yourself and provide the maximum comfort, the maximum self-care that is possible. You have enough stress as it is.
Don’t be shy about presenting your feelings. Chances are you will want to talk to your ex. And probably not even once. Do not forbid yourself this: sometimes it is through contact with reality that you need to crush your expectations. Hope that he will want to return, missed, so angry that you can not keep quiet? Offer to see him and say what you have accumulated. See how you react, some of your illusions will crumble. After one or more meetings you’ll come to terms with the status quo, you’ll notice that this interaction is not good for you, you’ll realize that you are worth more to yourself than these feelings. And letting go of the situation will become easier.
Choose the best dating site, the most interesting for you and spend your time with benefit and pleasure.
These are the main tips on how to forget and let go of a young man who doesn’t care about you. But there are additional ones that will help you more easily forget the guy you loved and no longer need.
Get deep into your work: anger and resentment can easily be transformed into energy for hard work.
Take a trip – at least for a weekend.
Avoid places you used to love as a couple.
Set aside hours for concentrated sadness and other emotions.
Get rid of things that remind you of the relationship.
Say goodbye to the person in the way you want and after which you feel better.
Join a interest group.
Share these experiences and the rest of the relationship – don’t get caught up in thinking that all men are the same.
Try not to think about what’s going on with him or what he’s thinking.
Don’t look for someone to blame.
What to do if you are still in love
First of all, treat your feelings with care and do not bury them along with the relationship. For some reason it is often not possible to fall out of love and leave the man to whom you are attached. Do not sound the alarm too early: love will fade, but there is no need to force the process.
A love that is now not mutual will have to be reconciled with reality. It will last for some time – you can never know in advance how long. If you’re going to meet your ex periodically out of undying love and make sure it’s not going to be like it was before, it may fade a little faster, but you’ll get more pain.
Don’t put her anywhere: let her live. You can still give it space – in fantasies and on paper. Your love is not to blame for the breakup, so do not seek to destroy it, and give time to fade away on their own.
There is a unique opportunity for you to talk to a professional psychologist for free for 20 minutes. Just go to the site psy-chat.ru and leave an application for a psychologist. A specialist will write to you within 2 minutes in the specified messenger.
What to do if feelings have cooled down, but he is still not out of mind
One of two things: either the time has passed, or feelings have not cooled down. Try to figure it out: do you want to get back to this relationship? If yes, then you haven’t lived through the breakup yet, and it’s okay to think about the person. If not, maybe you have something to say. There’s some unfinished business left, and it needs to be dealt with. Visit our dating rating and start a new life.
If you wonder why you can’t get over a guy you used to like – be careful about the context in which he pops up in your thoughts. Find the reason why you’re thinking about him, and deal with that reason. Give yourself some more time, meet with him, write and ask about what’s bothering you-just resolve the situation.
What you definitely shouldn’t do
Don’t try to force yourself to give up your loved one who has left you right away and move on with your life.
Don’t call him constantly. Do not look at common photos, do not hang out on his social networking profiles.
Do not pour his dirt around mutual friends.
Do not write sorrowful posts and do not try to publicly draw his attention to your broken heart.
Don’t show up at the places he goes and where you went together.
Don’t see the end of this relationship as the end of your life.
Don’t promise yourself never to get into a relationship again.
Don’t compare him to others and don’t stigmatize all men because of his misdeeds.
Don’t wallow in your pain all the time.
Don’t make the breakup the only topic you discuss with everyone else.