How to dominate in a relationship with a man, but do it discreetly and intelligently

Women love power – and in relationships too, why hide it. But women’s power is always different from men’s, both in world politics and in more domestic matters. If you don’t already know how to take a relationship into your own hands, here I’ll tell you what dominant girl behavior looks like, how to be her and manipulate a guy, and how a woman dominates a man in general.

What does it mean to “dominate” and does a woman need it

Dominance is, roughly speaking, dominance and suppression. But it looks different in different cases, because there are many ways to get power over a man. There is no single definition of dominance, and everyone chooses their own way to manipulate the other.

For a long time dominance was exclusively a male prerogative: historically, the role of women has never been the main one, and only feminism drew society’s attention to this issue.

The difficulty is also that there has never been and never will be a single norm. Even under the patriarchal system, not all couples were dominated by men. And now, in the age of burgeoning feminism and equality, not all women want to take the lead. Society may offer us a model, but it is never the case that absolutely everyone follows it.

Dominance is built on the suppression of another’s will, on forcing another to act in your best interest. 

The process itself may look like violence, and remain completely invisible even to the one being suppressed.

This is basically the main difference between male and female domination: women make everything softer. They are closer to the role of the gray cardinal, who gently controls others without their knowledge. Sometimes it is different, but more often women manipulate gently, secretly and gently, while men manipulate more harshly and directly. It is not for nothing that dominant guys are often called alpha, while there is no such thing as an alpha woman.

Dominance itself implies manipulation and repression of the partner-which ethically is a rather controversial position. Of course, the “gray cardinal method” does not humiliate the man, but you deprive him of the chance for honest interaction. This makes the relationship unequal: in essence, you are not choosing your partner’s personality, but devaluing it by using the man as a tool. There are many good ways to win over a man that both you and he will enjoy.

Many people think that dominance is the way to be the unconditional leader in a relationship, but that’s a mistake. There is no such thing as an unconditional leader: your partner will still do things his own way, and even his mere presence will influence your decisions and actions.

Women to be dominant is more difficult in principle: men are not historically accustomed to obey. You have to look for deceptive ways not to violate the established gender stereotypes. A dominant girl in a relationship with a guy always walks on a razor blade: if her actions are discovered, she will be in danger. That is why few women choose this path: it is easier and safer to be honest, or not to try to suppress the young man in principle.

Whether it is necessary to dominate – each girl decides for herself. It depends on her personality, her partner, her goals – the relationship and her life.

If the male domination can be divided into types according to the method of manipulation, the female domination is more complicated: it is impossible to dominate a man directly. That is why it is more difficult to define the types of female domination: it is almost impossible. Unless there are subtle differences in technique.

Regardless of gender, there are four immutable rules on which domination is built. These are the distribution of roles, responsibility and involvement:

The dominant, that is, the leader, is more selfish than the slave. He values himself above his partner and the relationship, convinced that his needs are more important than both. The slave is indoctrinated by this feeling and is afraid of losing the connection, which only reinforces the selfishness and permissiveness of the master. This results in a vicious circle in which one has more and more power and the other has less and less.

The one who is less in love has more power. Falling in love creates dependence and vulnerability-we are afraid of losing our partner and we make more concessions. He who is less in love values himself more. Conversely, a jealous person who worries about the relationship, fears losing it, and throws tantrums is more dependent. He lets the other manipulate on his emotions and ends up being driven.

The dominant is more self-sufficient. The one partner who has many other reasons to be happy in life besides the relationship is less dependent. The loss of relations is undesirable for him, but not so critical because it is not the main thing in life, not the only priority. Therefore, he experiences quarrels more easily and is more inclined to adapt the relationship to his needs. While the person for whom the relationship is the main thing, is ready to bend strongly under his or her partner.

The one who invests more in the relationship is more dependent. The harder we try and work at it, the more we value it and do more not to lose the relationship. It also works the other way around: if the other person got the relationship almost for nothing, if he didn’t have to put a lot of effort into it, he doesn’t value it as much and behaves freely.

How a woman can dominate a man

The most effective thing a woman can do is to dominate a man in communication. Just ask the right questions about life, about love, about sex. A secret game that is hard to recognize. It requires high skills and long training – to say something to a man in time to change his mind and make him act in the woman’s best interest. Ideally, the switch happens so that the man is happy about it: there must be some benefit for him, too.

In domination and manipulation, the slave’s benefit plays an important role. If it is not there, there is no resonance to obey and bend, and the man will simply leave the relationship.

Because of the structure of society, even those who are weaker and more prone to the slave position do not accept the idea that it is okay for a woman to submit. Therefore, her sensible solution is to make sure that the man does not feel subjugated.

This effect is achieved by manipulating mood and pleasure. A woman gets upset if a man does something that does not please her. And she is happy if she gets what she wants. In the case of manipulation, she does both more vividly than she really feels, so that she can influence the man more strongly and send him the right signals.

The most convenient way to do manipulation is to use the carrot and stick system – to encourage and punish. But do it subtly and gracefully: there is no need for overt revenge or overt encouragement. It’s all done through a demonstration of mood swings and their consequences. A man wants to see his girlfriend happy, so he tries for her. He quickly learns what makes her happy and what makes her feel down. Over time, he begins to recognize her states quite quickly and adjust his actions by getting the easiest signals.

So female domination is not about repression and stiffness. It is about your own weakness and the ability to use it. The strength of female manipulators is in their weakness. To learn how to properly dominate a man with words, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and how to show them correctly.

How a girl learn to dominate: basic rules

To understand how to control a man, you will have to learn a lot. Assess again, whether the result is worth the effort – a man can not only manipulate. Negotiate and play fair – no less worthy strategy. And perhaps more effective.

If you have decided on the goal, here are the rules that will help you learn how to subtly manipulate the mood.

Observe how your emotions are expressed. What you do when you are happy, upset, or angry, and which ones are more vivid and which ones are suppressed.

Collect role examples: among your acquaintances or favorite artistic characters, there are those from whom you can learn to express emotions. Someone rejoices so that the mood rises in all around, others get angry so that with one go make it clear to anyone how exactly it is not necessary to act with them. Observe this, try to adopt specific techniques: intonations, gestures, facial expressions, general mood and intensity of reaction.

Practice on others: try to control the behavior of other people, not your partner. Start with those who are easier to influence. When you get the hang of it, move on to harder targets. You have your own strategy that works for you. Refine it before transferring it to the relationship.

Watch your partner and other people’s moods as you practice. If your partner is busy, worried about something of his own, or tired, it will be harder for him to see and understand what you’re trying to convey to him.

Learn to anticipate actions, study the logic of human behavior. Start with the reactions: before each action, think through how the person will react. At first you will make mistakes, but over time you will anticipate reactions and actions more and more accurately.

Increase your independence. Manipulating man, you run the risk at any time something not take into account, to ruin and lose the game. The result – or a big scandal followed by suspicion of your every action, or a breakup.

Don’t lose yourself. You start a big game, and there is a great risk of forgetting what it was all about. Controlling a man is not an end in itself. It’s a tool to get something you want. Determine what you want right away and don’t forget about it in the process. If you notice that the game is not worth the candle, do not procrastinate with the changes: either you need another man, or – another strategy.

Be sensitive to your chosen partner. If he is an expert in psychology or inclined to domination himself, it is better to leave the venture or choose someone else.

There may be a situation where you do not know how to be if the guy likes to dominate. In that case, you’ll either have to turn the situation to your advantage, or you’ll have to adjust, or find another guy. You run the risk of not being able to handle him, and that can be dangerous.

What limits should not be exceeded.

Female dominance is thinner than male dominance, so it has more restrictions, limits and rules. And following them becomes a safety issue, because usually the man is stronger and more of a threat than the woman.

So here’s what to avoid:

Don’t push. If the man doesn’t want to do something, that’s no reason to push harder, it’s an excuse to look for other leverage.

Avoid being too harsh.

Do not suppress your emotions, do not forget that they should look bright.

Avoid too subtle cues, men usually do not understand them. Try to act and speak as simply and directly as possible.

Do not build too complicated schemes, act step by step.

Do not let yourself be manipulated.

Do not let go of control of the situation, so as not to allow the unforeseen and not to deal with the dire consequences.

Manipulating a man is easy, it’s not easy to learn. Go to the rating of the best dating sites, choose your favorite portal, communicate with guys and pump up your domination skills. 

Did this article add to your determination?

Are you willing to put in enough effort to achieve quality results?

Have you ever happened to manipulate a man by accident?

I’m waiting for your answers and opinions in the comments:)